I never got sober the first time around.
I went inpatient rehab 3 times.
AA meetings for years and HATED them, mostly the people.
I am grateful to be acoholic because it led me to where I am today...a life I like and makes sense.
Though I do not say it in meetings - because newcomers do not understand.
Then - I called someone who I had never met before (no, Jim did not give me the number)..and agreed to meet him. Someone I knew and liked from AA gave me his number- I respected this guy and did something I really did not want to do- call a stranger and ask for help. He did not put any requirments on me, just talked - I ended up going through the steps and having a change, I honestly did not think it could happen to me - but wtf, the option was continuing to drink.
So - you say there are times you don't care anymore. Calling one of those people you have never met before won't be such a big deal. Trust me, they have met you before.
If I can be any help - PM me.