I had similar feelings when my AH first got sober. I just didn't and still don't always understand why he can't just be "normal" At first he couldn't do anything with out drinking. By this I mean, he couldn't bar-b-q , felt he needed a beer to do that. We went on a simple camping trip when he was several months sober he got so freaked out. Spent several days camping at the ocean, he never went to the beach, said he didn't know how. He went to AA meetings with in driving distance. I was on vacation alone with the kids interupted by short periods of helping him look up AA meetings because he was too stressed to do it alone. I wondered what is the point, he was drunk now he's stressed out and leaving for AA. :wtf2 Not what I had in mind.
Don't know if any of that helps, but you are not alone. It seems to take a long time for an A to learn how to live with out drinking. The question I think needs to be answered is , Is this how I want to live? We just don't know how another person is going to do in recovery. Or if it will even stick.
The A may be the most wonderful person but that doesn't mean that you have to want to stay with that person. Its not so much about the A as it is about what you want out of the relationship. At some point the answer will come.