husband still mad - thinks I'm having affair
Hi. I've been sober and around here at SR for about 7 1/2 months. I've been working my program and trying my best, going to therapy once a week, attending my extended care outpatient program, going to meetings and working the AA steps with my sponsor. Seven and a half months isn't long but it feels good to me and I know I am on the right path.
My problem is still my husband. He had a really hard time forgiving me for lying about my drinking for the last nine months of my drunken time. I take meds for Bipolar and I said I wouldn't drink but continued to do so secretely (hiding booze in my closet, drinking wine at lunch at a restaurant alone, etc.)
After I got sober, my husband and I spent 3 months in separate bedrooms. He finally softened and said he forgave me.
But now, he has a conviction that I had or have been having an AFFAIR! It's all I can do to run my small pathetic life, much less complicate it with something like that. I've got enough on my plate - an angry husband, 4 kids, bipolar and recovering alcoholic. I just don't know what to think about it.
He has no evidence whatsoever - I've given him my password to my email, handed him my cell phone to search, told him I'm an open book. He still maintains his belief.
We've seen a therapist who kind of put it in his court and recommended that he go to his own one-on-one therapy. She said basically, she thinks that he has to decide if he wants to be with me on some fundamental level. That he's still resentful and hurt from my betrayal of lying for those 9 months.
I'm trying to hold on. Trying to hold steady. Give him time. But I feel stretched thin emotionally. I need to be in a loving realtionship.
My question to you all (sorry this is so long) is how long would you personally give it in your own lives if your significant other couldn't forgive you and kept maintaining and nursing supicians. I know we're all different but I just wonder what you guys think?
Part of me just says, well, I'll give him nine months - since that's how long I lied to him. Then I think that's just false and stupid. But I don't want to be in a relationship where we can't love each other and relax and have fun together! What's the point?