4 preteens?!!!! You must be so busy. I have been reading this book on "helicopter parents." It's when you do everything you can to protect your child from failing and stop them from making mistakes. If they do make a mistake, you stop them from feeling the consequences of their mistakes.
I think caretaking is what parents are supposed to do, but we have to be sure we have boundaries in place so we don't stop our children from learning lifes important lessons on their own. That's when caretaking becomes a detriment to our children.
Some day they are going to leave us and become adults. And it sure would be nice if we still didn't have to be in the role of caretaker then!