riaerif

Wow... I'm not sure what happened with me. I still struggle and sometimes I lose my battles and more often than not, I don't.

I think something clicked with me. Mostly it was my understanding that I didn't need the addict. I know it's harsh, but I began to substitute addiction with death. I know it's morbid, but it worked. I mean, what would I do if the addict had died? Would I sit around worried about her spiritual day to day in the great beyond or would I move on with my life? And how would I do that?

Just as a note, I don't wish harm to her in any way. I just needed to think that way because my life had become so entangled in hers that physical removal was the only way I could imagine life detached. It worked as a starting point for me and also was doable because she is still very much alive so I could look at it objectively without being clouded by grief if it really were to happen.

I started living that way and I cut addiction out just as death would have. What things would I not have to worry about anymore as being a part of my life? Those things I decided I would not allow any longer. Yes, it was my doing and not the doing of death completely, but...

Hmmm.... I really hope I'm making sense to you. Basically I was able to evaluate what good things the person brought to my life and what bad things. Then I told her the good things were still okay, but the bad things were not.

Her counselor also helped me by telling me that I had a responsibility to her recovery to stand firm and that by waffling I was enabling and that would end badly for both of us.

So here I am, doing better than I thought I would and wondering why I didn't do this sooner. I wouldn't have wasted as many tears or as much energy.

I hope everything works out for you. I know it's hard to do the best thing for the one you love when our instincts scream at us to do something totally different.