Thank you for your replies. It means so much for me right now to have people to talk to. I called a substance abuse counselor Thursday and he was very helpful. I hope he calls me back today so I can go in for an appointment. He told me what kind of language to look for in case I need to call 911. I told his parents about the gun in his room. They used to own a bait and gun shop years ago so there are guns EVERYWHERE
He got some pills to "hopefully" tide him over until he gets his last script.
I stopped by to see him and he was in bed. I stayed for a minute but he asked me to leave so I respected that. I asked him in a non-judgemental way, "why don't you want to go to rehab." and he said, "I've been there before." Then I cried for a couple hours, sitting and talking with God. Then what do ya know, he called me. When I asked what he was doing, he said, looking on the internet about demons and God. He said, there has to be something...... I'm just trying to see if this can give me.................(and then he stopped). I said - strength? he said "yeah" and I said hope? and he said "yeah". I'm still not sure if this is his way of trying to find and make peace with God before he does anything. He seemed very down at the thought of being a troublemaker when he was younger. He never stole or hurt people but he was just a troublemaker in school and he had a few oui's and stuff like that. Going through his court documents, he really started getting down.
When he asked what I was doing, I told him....I'm sitting at the lake talking to God. He said, "really?" I said, yes. I've been here for a while.
After we hung up, I texted him and told him that he was my bestfriend, my soulmate and that I really believe God sent him to me. He said, I love you too. Maybe he sent you to me?? I told him that I think God knew what we both needed because only something God created could be as perfect as what we have.
I know he has this demon that he is wrestling with but he is a good man. I want to be that positive force in his life - I think everyone needs one. Somehow though, I need to learn to be able to do that and take care of myself at the same time. He always tells me I am his angel - that he has never felt more loved, safe, cared about and trusted. I know those words are true because I know that he has been through and why he is where he is now. I just hope and pray and ask God to give him the strength to hold onto those things - hold onto what we make together and use that as his strength to beat this. But, it's really out of my hands. I need to step back now and let God do his work. If it is his will, he will save him. I just pray it is his will. I was on here looking in the Substance Abuse forum at some stickies and was devastated at the posts that I saw. Members who lost their lives to this addiction. So saddening.
I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your help - just being able to share this with other people keeps me going, so thanks.