I had a hard time contacting an attorney as well...but I felt great after i did it.
We tried mediation due to XAH insisting...it did not work, was a waste of time and money, and was hard to bear emotionally because I had to sit across from a furious, quacking alcoholic. He manipulated the mediator just like he manipulates every one.
The lawyer worked out much better for me.
Your husband and my X quack exactly the same. I could have written your post. It will be hard my dear, but you and your kids will be better off. Praying and take extra gentle care of yourself.