fndngserenity

So my latest instincts were right. I knew he was acting different. That was because he was taking more of his suboxone than he was supposed to. Now he has run out......and he doesn't refill until next Friday. I don't know how to do this. I feel so broken inside. I know I am going to lose him. I don't think he is going to use again.....I think he is going to give up. I'm so scared. To sit here and know there is nothing I can do but watch him fade away from me. I keep trying to remind myself that this is in God's hands and whatever happens is Gods will but he is my baby. I don't want to lose him. This is the worst pain - wondering "when". I just feeling like going to sleep forever so I don't have to feel like this.
I don't know what to do. This is his first day without any. And I know he won't see me because he likes to be alone when he doesn't feel good. I am so afraid I will never see his sweet face again. I will never feel his arms around me or his lips kissing me. I will never hear him say "I Love You" again. I can't do this, I am not strong enough. If I let him see me like this, it would definitely push him over the edge. I noticed he has been depressed (very badly) the last few days. I knew he would tell me in his own time what was going on.
I can't pray enough. I would never ask God for another thing in my entire life if he helped him beat this. I know what that means to not ask for anything else again......but I just want him to be okay.
I don't know what to do with myself. I have to go back to work. I'm such a mess. Every time I hear a siren I want to throw up. Wondering if it is him.

Please Lord give me the strength to get through this.

Thank you for listening.