Originally Posted by
GiveLove 
Sure. For the first three decades of my life I was only attracted to strong, silent men who abused alcohol and who would cut their own throats before they'd tell me they loved me. It was "normal" and comfortable because it's what I had always known. Somewhere in my mind, I was still trying to get my father to tell me he loved me (he died without ever having said it or even indicated it)
I was also a chameleon, trying on different faces, personalities, and ways of being so that I could be loved. I didn't even know what I was truly like until my 40s. It's a shame, because I really like the person I discovered I was.
Keep trying to grab the tails of those little birds flitting through your head, liz. It's really amazing to be able to hold these thoughts in your hand and examine them...you feel like you have power over them for the first time. At least I did.
Good luck!
Are you my long lost sister Give?
This was me and my father and my relationships to a T!
Amazing as we look back and learn more through recovery....
I was blessed however that my silent quiet A father did tell me first within his last year before he died that he loved me...
Today sometimes I get triggered with the man I'm with now because he is not like any guy I ever dated before-we have been together quiet awhile and he is great for me! He does not put up with my crap
and he is gentle, caring, peaceful, some qualities like my Dad however he tells me that he loves me everyday-Change is good.......as recovery is changing me more and more each day!
Good Luck and keep us posted!