My first meeting in over a week
Well, I havent been to a meeting in like 10 days... I know not good, and I know it...it's been a hell 10 days...I wanted to drink sooooooooooo bad... I could go into the circumstances...but they are not good enough excuses...( mostly quarrels with the idiot)...I tried to pull the I dont need to go to meetings I can do this on my own...card....reverse psychology on him....but it didnt work...mostly didnt work for me...
So I went to a meeting tonite and sat in the back and bawled the whole time...I just feel so empty...waiting for something to fill that hole...someone said sobriety would fill it... and then I had to walk home, ( he was too busy to come get me) and all I wanted was someone to talk to...anyone to tell me I was ok...I feel blank...I havent written in my journal because I cant find words...just empty....I guess maybe I am avoiding "feeling" because it hurts and Im scared of what that will bring me...afraid to look under the covers I have hidden under for so very long.
So...that's it...sorry...Im sure I'll get some suck it up tough love advice....(Im sorry...snide remark...)
I just feel no confidence...no self esteem...54 days sober....and here I am...alone in a house full of dogs and my kids...
Sorry for the waste of letters and punctuation...just had to vent
But I am thankful to be sober....Just for today...