Trying to Stay Stong
Well tomorrow will be one week since I broke up with ABF. So far, yesterday was the worst day. He got home from the cabin and started calling me over and over and over again. I finally broke down and answered. But, I think I handled things well. It was quite a long conversation with alot of quacking as you can imagine, but I didnt' give in.
A few big things though. First, he kept asking me if he got into treatment if I would take him back. I kept telling him NO. That if he got into treatment 'only' to get me back, it would never work. He finally said 'I'm going to treatment regardless if you take me back or not', I said 'Good, I hope it works out for you, Good luck.". Then, he tells me he needs me to help him. Last week, I cancelled his truck insurance and his cell phone that were in my name. He says, how do I get insurance now? How do I get a cell phone now? How do I go about getting treatment? Really?? I said, you are 41 years old, if you can't call an insurance company, walk in a cell phone store to get a new phone, and walk into an AA meeting all by yourself, then you have more problems than I thought. (Ok, I know that was a mean thing to say, but c'mon!).
Here's the kicker. He then says, 'If you loved me, you would help me. If you still love me, I expect you to want to help me'. I told him that HE does not get to EXPECT anything from me! After all he has put me through, he's lucky I even answered the phone. I told him that this time, he does not get to manipulate me, he does not get to make me feel guilty - because I DON'T. HE has put himself in this position, not ME. I said, if you want to play those games - how about this? If YOU loved ME, you would not have cheated on me, or lied to me, or called me horrible vile names, or yelled at me, or ignored me, or disappeared on me time and time again. He said, 'I'm sorry I called you those names, I didn't mean any of it, it was a vodka day.' Again, really??? I said, I don't care if it was a vodka day, a beer day, a normal day - the point is you said/did those things to me - period.
By this time, I was getting out of control angry. So, I took a deep breath, pulled myself together. Realized that my words mean nothing to an alcoholic - he was just doing everything in his power to manipulate me and 'get his nice comfy enabler' back (as GiveLove told me). So, I told him that I was not going to do this anymore. I told him that I would say another prayer that he got help for himself, but that everything was up to him now - I am out of the picture. I said, I wish you all the luck in the world, but it is out of my hands and I am hanging up now so I can have some peace. Goodbye.
I haven't heard from him since. I know I shouldn't have even answered the phone, and I know I should have 'detached' and not gotten sucked into the conversation and said the things that I did. But, I feel better. I feel better that I told him all those things and I feel better that I stood my ground and did not 'cave' like I usually do. Even though I haven't blocked his number (yet), I'm hoping this is another step in the right direction.
Thank you for letting me share...
Wishing a peaceful day to all!
C