Not sure where to start
I have only been drinking for a little over a year now. I am 38. My son turned 18 and left for college and I have a feeling the need or want to drink started when I realized that he was growing up and no longer needed me as much and I felt like I no longer had a job to do.
What am I going to do now?
It actually all started one night when my husband and I decided to stop at liquor store (which we never do) We both picked up a little something to drink. My husband does not drink, he did when he was younger but he grew up in an alcoholic family and does not like it.
Well after that one night, I found myself having a few drinks in the evenings a couple times a week.
Then it was 3-4 times a week.
Then it was everyday.
It has been this way for a year now. My husband hates it and he complains to everyone about it and how he would prefer that I don't drink. He makes cruel jokes about it as well. Also, my son does not like it either so I have decided to stop. I am not stopping for them, I am stopping for myself. I see that it has become a problem. I never thought it would be, I was in denial. I know now, that it is.
I have been praying for help with this. I have promised that I am going to get through it. The first day was fine. I was very proud, the second day was horrible. All I could think about was drinking.
My husband and I went out to get icecream, on the way we stopped to get cigarettes (at the liquor store) Now, remember I said that he hates the drinking? He asked me what I wanted to drink. I told him nothing. He said why not. I just said because I don't. I told him I had not had anything to drink in a few days and that I just didn't want to. He then said - you deserve then to treat yourself. This is not his behavior ever towards my drinking!
At that moment, I realized that the devil was trying to work through my husband! No lying here. My husband means so much to me and he has never given me the OK to drink or even suggested that he thought it was ok. A higher power knew that his approval would break me. He would not stop all night he kept asking over and over again if I wanted to go get something to drink. No matter what I said he wouldn't quit and guess what? I did get something to drink. I was so sorry afterward and I am crying trying to write this because I didn't want to . I wanted to be strong because I am better than this. I don't know what to do.