After so many times of being burnt financially and emotionally by my oldest AD, I had to take a hard look at what I was doing, and what I was communicating to her.
I've lost track of how many times she's been incarcerated now (she's currently on probation for yet another slew of charges and finished her jail time for that).
Every time I caved after listening to her sobbing about how she needed toothpaste, or shampoo, and could I just put a little money on the books for her, I was communicating that it was okay to do what she did, that I would soften the consequences for her as best as I could.
No more, period. I don't care if it's her birthday or not.
I communicate my love by telling her that I love her and always will, that she is well aware of what recovery is by watching me live it for many years now, and I will support her (emotionally, NOT financially) in any efforts in recovery if she ever chooses that path.
She's still full of resentment, anger, and blame, and I will no longer accept that blame. I will not have her tell me how it's all my fault, only to put that aside later and cushion her falls. That isn't healthy for either of us.
I think tough love is tougher on the parent/s than it is on the child, but the longer I have practiced it, the easier it gets
