Recieved A Letter

Old 08-28-2008, 01:21 PM
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Recieved A Letter

I got a letter from my son yesterday & am afraid to open it. Everytime I get a letter from him I can feel my stomach get into a knot..............then it takes me sometimes days before I can open it. I don't know what I'm afraid of...................hearing about more problems I guess...........all I know is it is laying here & I am still hesitant to open it.
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:23 PM
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:29 PM
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Thanks Done, Hugs to you too.
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:30 PM
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Big Hugs. I am so sorry. I know I do not know your story but maybe you can invite a friend or family member to open and read with you for support?
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:36 PM
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Just like when you wrote the letter, and you waited until you were ready to send it, you can wait to read this one, when you're ready.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 08-28-2008, 01:45 PM
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Hi Rozied. Funny. I just got a letter from my ex too. I opened it. I'll share.

He says he misses me. He's sorry. He wishes he could be there for his son but he needed this time to find himself and God.... He is grateful to be alive. He has wasted too much time.... life is precious. Then he says, "Thank you for being straight forward and brutally honest with me.... you are the best...."

Oh and he wants me to bring his son for a visit so that he can explain to him in person about being gone. ( I think that's a little scary...)

If I had a nickel for everytime I've gotten this exact same letter from him, I'd be rich.

It's really frustrating. You want to believe that they have changed. But the fact is that they are still addicts and they are still screwed up. The original problem hasn't gone away. So while I'm sure he means all these nice things from prison, it really only matters if he stays clean once he gets out. Actions speak louder than words.

It's really hard to deal with.

At least he didn't ask for more money.

I hope that when you read the letter from your son, you are able to remain detached and remember that his actions, once he gets out, will speak louder than his words.

I wish you peace. God bless.
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Old 08-28-2008, 01:49 PM
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I don't have much to say except, I know what you mean.

It's human to feel a jolt when something that has jolted us before shows up again. I have felt this way about the phone, my doorbell, emails and letters.

It gets easier the more we let go - and at the same time I wonder if it ever goes away.

I hope you both give yourself time to read it when it feel right and that you find support for how you will feel depending on what it says.

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Old 08-28-2008, 01:59 PM
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Open it when you're ready Rozied.

I remember when my son had taken my credit card. I knew I could look up the damage online, but I wasn't ready. I knew the emotions it would bring, but even though I knew, I wasn't ready.

By the time I was ready, my reaction wasn't as bad as I had thought.
I think because I was ready.

Big Mom Hugs ((((Rozied))))
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Old 08-28-2008, 06:11 PM
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Hi rozied, You'll open it when your ready but until then I'm sending you some courage to face whatever it is he has written. You never know~~it may be filled with love and remorse... I'm wishing for the best for you!! Smiles, Bonnie
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Old 08-28-2008, 09:05 PM
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How well I know that knot in the stomach feeling!

Read it when you are ready! :ghug3
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Old 08-29-2008, 06:35 AM
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Sending you hugs. Open the letter when you are ready, and in the mean time don't look at it. Praying that it says he is sorry and will take the steps to help himself, and that he will leave your parents out of it. But whatever it says we are here for you if you need us.
Hugs and prayers,
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Old 08-29-2008, 06:55 AM
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Thank you everyone!!!
Dear-Kitty, My ex, my son's father, who I had not heard from in almost 30yrs, called me a few months ago. He had been a compulsive gambler when we were together. Here he told me he went from gambling to drugs & did not wake up until he was 58 yrs old. He is now 63 & has been clean & sober for 6 yrs.
Now he said all the things I wished he would have said 30 yrs ago but its way too late. I remarried after 10 yrs alone & have been happily married for 24 yrs. I have absolutely no regrets I didn't stay with him & wait. I would have wasted a big part of my life.
Thanks for sharing,
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Old 08-29-2008, 07:12 AM
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((((Rozied)))) Do what your gut says when your comfortable. Gee your ex was like Rip Van Winkle sleeping huh? It always amazes me how the ex's always want the wife to know how they are doing no matter how many years????
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Old 08-29-2008, 07:17 AM
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Hi Rozied,
getting letters or phone calls are hard, and can cause anxiety. They can take some days to recover from those. I think thats why you are hesitating, because you don't want anything setting you back. You don't want any bad news, abuse, requests for money, etc... He probably is responding to your letter, but it's the unexpected you fear.

I got a call yesterday from AH, I couldn't answer it, and just let the machine take it.
But listening to the message left me feeling anxiety and fear. I just get so tired of hearing his smooth tongue with no sincerity or truth to much of what he says.

You will know if and when you feel mentally prepared to open and read it.

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Old 08-29-2008, 09:25 AM
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when you're ready, whats the hurry

good luck
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Old 08-29-2008, 12:31 PM
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Thanks to everyone again. Yes my ex was like Rip Van Winkle. only he wasn't sleeping & not once in all those yrs did he send any money for his kids & not even a call to see how they were.
As far as my son's letter goes its still sitting here unopened & I know I won't open it until I feel ready.
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Old 08-30-2008, 02:59 PM
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Hi Rozied:

Boy do I know that feeling! It's the same feeling that I use to get when the phone rang and heard the words "MOM?" Oh, how I hated to hear that 'cause I just knew it was always bad news.

Today I say, "hand me my check, I'm done!" Witnessed by the fact that my grandaughter has been calling me (really desperate I guess) 'cause I'm the last straw for her. She wanted help 'cause everything in her life is going' wrong! DUH? Choices!

I cannot believe how I was able to tell her I love her and hoped she would find her way in her own time and her own way. I said I've been through all this before and suffered for years and I refuse to be a "victim" anymore!

I told her when she was ready she'd do it! Until then, good luck.

At one time, I would have died before I would say things like that. Now, I'm not 'cause I've done my time! This goes for my son as well. He is getting out in just one month and I've told him the same thing! If he screws up again, I'm done! I hope he knows I mean it.

So, dear, don't fret. Let him find his way. Just tell him you love him and always will and pray one day he will realize that life is good when you play by the rules.

Harsh? Not anymore! Been there, done that and now time for a change!

Maybe you shouldn't open the letter! Believe me, you'll hear soon enough if it's bad news. In the meantime take care of you.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 08-30-2008, 11:30 PM
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hummm and me who is waiting for a letter which doesn't arrive....
wonder now if it's better it doesn't arrive!
let us know how it went once ready ;P
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Old 08-30-2008, 11:47 PM
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Oh, come on and open it! You never know what someone may be writing to you. Once i wrote a letter of amends to someone. they sent it back to me unopened. I was devastated, and also really troubled, as I had no other way to make amends. I found out months later that they were afraid to open it because they thought I was going to reem then out in the letter, while just the oposite was true. I've not opened mail or threw it away only to find out it had a check in it. you never know!
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Old 08-31-2008, 08:58 AM
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First off Sleepy I am not throwing it out, have no intention to. I have no idea what it says inside but it does say on the envelope to send $45 for sneakers, and it will be for his Birthday.
I know my mom sent him money for sneakers the last time he was in so I will talk to her before even considering it.
I will let you all know what he said when I open it.
My ex called me this am but only let the phone ring once then he left me a message on the machine to call him. I don't really want to.
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