Originally Posted by
lizw 
Okay, I have always known logically that I have choosen men who have simialarties to my father. Verbally and physically abusive etc....
However something that has began to slip into my consciousness, is the idea that I have expected from the men in all my relationships, the same things I expect from my father, but never got.
Not obvious things like 'love and support' but rather things like:
- I wanted my Dad to acknowledge me as a girl - I was a bit of a tom boy so he brought me boys toys.
- I wanted to try harder and be perfect so he'd accept me, so I never talked about my problems.
- I wanted him to show me attention, so I'd fake interest in his activites.
I had a ton of them in my mind earlier, but now it's gone blank. This idea for me creeps in, then is gone again.
Anyone else have this? It feels so subtle.
Subtle as a ton of bricks!
It was the bottom that got me back into sobriety and the program, the realization that my ex was a
lot like my alcoholic, bipolar mother. A more personally charming version, and she is also a sailor-harder to find among the females-but when the realization of the exact nature of the attraction hit me it was literally like a ton of bricks. Haven't considered the more subtle things, but on the whole it was trying to get love from someone that, for whatever reason, didn't have much if any love to give. And the scary thing, though I'm reasonably certain it's not organic, I can treat women the way my mother treated me.