Okay, I have always known logically that I have choosen men who have simialarties to my father. Verbally and physically abusive etc....
However something that has began to slip into my consciousness, is the idea that I have expected from the men in all my relationships, the same things I expect from my father, but never got.
Not obvious things like 'love and support' but rather things like:
- I wanted my Dad to acknowledge me as a girl - I was a bit of a tom boy so he brought me boys toys.
- I wanted to try harder and be perfect so he'd accept me, so I never talked about my problems.
- I wanted him to show me attention, so I'd fake interest in his activites.
I had a ton of them in my mind earlier, but now it's gone blank. This idea for me creeps in, then is gone again.
Anyone else have this? It feels so subtle.