Originally Posted by
respektingme 
It has more to do with my AH's need to have his self-esteem built up from external sources and making poor choices or decisions based on that need rather than being a good father. He'd spoil our kids just to make sure they adore him. Or let them misbehave, be disrespectful, etc. as long as it wasn't aimed at him. He has 3 adult children who he raised this way. The outcome just wasn't pretty. There was always too much deception rather than the truth, too much manipulation that was often too hard to determine, there were hidden agendas, lies, and motives. And they were and are all aimed at him trying to function as an active alcoholic and trying to appear to everyone (and even himself) that he's a good, decent, successful, caring husband/son/father.
knowing this really helps me. My xabf has 2 children. I have no children myself but I do believe they are spoiled and allowed things that most parents would not allow in order for him to gain their adoration. I'm not saying all around he's a bad father, because he does discipline and teach them manners etc. But here are a few examples, they are allowed as much candy as they want even if it's 10 pm, and no one brushes their teeth before bed. And speaking of 10 pm, they stay up that late, even though they are 9 and 3 years old. He swears in front of them, they giggle. He buys them anything he can afford.
BTW when he is drinking he doesn't make an attempt to hide it from them. His older son told me when he was 5 "my dad falls down a lot". that broke my heart.
Well I could go on but you get the picture. And it illustrates even more, that it really is best for me to realize this being away from him
is best for me. For I don't agree with this method of child rearing and wouldn't want my future children brought up this way.