So much for detachment!
I couldn't do it.
I left AH yesterday.
I'm seeking legal separation with an eye towards divorce.
He stayed outside in the driveway all night again (3rd time in as many weeks), and my acceptance of the situation turned (with very little warning) into an absolute refusal to live this kind of life anymore.
It's like I just hit a wall.
There was no going back.
He is taking advantage of me. His life is exactly the way that he wants it - he gets to love, honor, and cherish his family 5 days a week, drink 1 day a week, and ignore everyone to get over his hangover 1 day a week.
I told him that, despite all my counseling, all my reading, all my prayers and meditations, the regular drinking was something that I just couldn't handle.
He told me that I needed to get over it.
I am overreacting.
He's just fine - getting better all the time.
His solution? Let's just go back to the way things were.
Apparently that was working really well for him.
I'm sad and scared and firm in my resolve. We will live apart and co-parent.
I cannot sanely live with an active alcoholic, even if he's only active once a week. The good times are good, and there are lots of them, but the bad times are causing me to lose my self-respect. And they keep happening.
AH is mired in denial.
For someone having so much (self-titled) "success" overcoming his alcoholism, he sure got angry when it became clear that the only way we could have a future together would be for him to commit to and demonstrate abstinence from alcohol while we are living apart.
I'm not demanding. I won't be at all surprised if he opts to continue drinking while working on his own brand of "recovery".
I just know what I can and cannot do, and I'm done meditating so that I can deal with the stress of another person's choices.
Send some good thoughts my way!
-TC