TooMutch,
I have a lot of respect for you. You asked who was going to teach you at age 44. I think this is something you'll learn for yourself. You already are learning what is and isn't unacceptable to you.
I grew up in a rough household too. I was lucky enough to have spent lots of time with my grandparents and aunt who did have happy homes. I am sure that saved me a load of grief, just having that for a reference.
You have lots of support here.
Love,
Lenina