I cant take much more of this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I cant take much more of this
Wasn't sure where to post this, I thought about women only, but then decided I would appreciate feedback from men too.
Last night I came closer to drinking than I have since becoming sober almost 6 months ago.
I will try and keep it short.
Yesterday afternoon when my son came home from school, my husband freaked out on my sons hedgehog tank being dirty and told my son to come to me to borrow my lap top and try and find a place for hedgie to go.
Then my husband came to me with the hedgehog wheel (that hedgie runs on), and it was covered with sh*t. What he did next is what makes me so mad. He shook it all over me. It was disgusting. He was screaming and yelling at me and my son, being very irrational, speaking in riddles. Stark raving mad.
That is just one of the hundreds of episodes that have happened. The whole family is supposed to respect him, but he gives no respect to the rest of us. He constantly tells me that he's the man of the house and that he has the final say on everything. Even though when I met him, all he had is the clothes on his back, a bed and a dresser. I put the money down on our home, I had all the furniture, everything brought in was mine. But now he calls this his house, not our house but his house.
I am seriously waiting for the day that he gets physical with me again. I have never called the cops, but I will. I am sick and tired of me and my 2 of our 5 kids being bullied. I have cried so hard this time that my eyes are swollen shut practically.
I just can't stand it anymore!
Last night I came closer to drinking than I have since becoming sober almost 6 months ago.
I will try and keep it short.
Yesterday afternoon when my son came home from school, my husband freaked out on my sons hedgehog tank being dirty and told my son to come to me to borrow my lap top and try and find a place for hedgie to go.
Then my husband came to me with the hedgehog wheel (that hedgie runs on), and it was covered with sh*t. What he did next is what makes me so mad. He shook it all over me. It was disgusting. He was screaming and yelling at me and my son, being very irrational, speaking in riddles. Stark raving mad.
That is just one of the hundreds of episodes that have happened. The whole family is supposed to respect him, but he gives no respect to the rest of us. He constantly tells me that he's the man of the house and that he has the final say on everything. Even though when I met him, all he had is the clothes on his back, a bed and a dresser. I put the money down on our home, I had all the furniture, everything brought in was mine. But now he calls this his house, not our house but his house.
I am seriously waiting for the day that he gets physical with me again. I have never called the cops, but I will. I am sick and tired of me and my 2 of our 5 kids being bullied. I have cried so hard this time that my eyes are swollen shut practically.
I just can't stand it anymore!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,410
OH Hon!!!! You do NOT ever deserve to be in such a situation!!! Is this something you want your children to be around? I'm sure you must know the statistics for kids growing up in abusive homes then going on to either be abused themselves in relationships, or becoming the abuser. It sounds like you're in a verbally, emtionally and physically abusive environment. ABSOLUTELY call the police should you ever think for an instant that your safety or your kids' safety is ever in jeapordy.
I wish you weren't in this situation. I'm thinking of you! Please don't drink.
I wish you weren't in this situation. I'm thinking of you! Please don't drink.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you and your kids have to be subjected to that.
On the bright side... if that didn't give you "excuse" to drink... NOTHING WILL. You stayed strong and that is a wonderful thing.
*hugs*
I'm so sorry you and your kids have to be subjected to that.On the bright side... if that didn't give you "excuse" to drink... NOTHING WILL. You stayed strong and that is a wonderful thing.
*hugs*
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
There is no justification for the things he's doing to you.
It's not right and you don't deserve that - nobody does. As well as his behaviour could be affecting your son's development.
If he continues doing things like that - not normal things by the way, you should ask him to leave and mean it. Get the police involved if necessary and really, you should contact a woman's shelter or something for advice.
It's not right and you don't deserve that - nobody does. As well as his behaviour could be affecting your son's development.
If he continues doing things like that - not normal things by the way, you should ask him to leave and mean it. Get the police involved if necessary and really, you should contact a woman's shelter or something for advice.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey toomutch - my ex was alcoholic and got real abusive towards the end until i ended the relationship. so i think i can understand how you are feeling today.
i contacted my local women's shelter. they had free counseling sessions there that i was able to attend while i made my plan to leave. maybe there is a resource like that for you?
i now volunteer at my shelter near my house. we offer free babysitting and programing for children, while the moms attend the sessions.
check it out! and be safe.
hugs, and i'm sorry that you are being subject to such abusive behavior. please remember - you have choices. k
i contacted my local women's shelter. they had free counseling sessions there that i was able to attend while i made my plan to leave. maybe there is a resource like that for you?
i now volunteer at my shelter near my house. we offer free babysitting and programing for children, while the moms attend the sessions.
check it out! and be safe.
hugs, and i'm sorry that you are being subject to such abusive behavior. please remember - you have choices. k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I wish he would take his meds as prescribed, he takes busbar, but only when he sees fit to do so.
He can be a great guy, he does all kinds of fun stuff with the kids, way more than my dad ever did. but this other side of him sucks.
he has such a hard time with my son, my daughter and I because we have voices and he does not want anyone arguing with him. My step sons just go along with everything he says, so they internalize all the sh*t.
He can be a great guy, he does all kinds of fun stuff with the kids, way more than my dad ever did. but this other side of him sucks.
he has such a hard time with my son, my daughter and I because we have voices and he does not want anyone arguing with him. My step sons just go along with everything he says, so they internalize all the sh*t.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I am seriously waiting for the day that he gets physical with me again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Too Much: You sound like you are very strong! And the fact that you didn't drink over it says even more positive things about you. I agree with the other responders. Only you, however, can weigh the +'s and -'s of your marriage. I find that anytime someone is extremely one way (say, on a power trip), the real fact is that they believe the total opposite of themselves (weak and insecure). Not that that helps, mind you, but just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
My father was like that. He was a maniac. And when he wasn't a maniac he was a wonderful person. It's so easy to say, leave him and call a shelter. It's not something you want to do probably. I can assure you that his actions will stay with your children for the rest of their lives. My father mellowed in time and I loved him dearly the last four years of his life but I wish he hadn't of waited so long to control his temper. It was truly hell walking around on eggshells all the time, completely dependant on his moods and never knowing what tiny thing would set him off. My very first memory is when I was two or three years old, walking into the dining room and starting to speak. I realized I had interupted but it was too late and my father threw an egg beater at my face. It hit me hard and my lip swoll up. My Mom kept saying, your father feels terrible and is walking around the neighborhood. I couldn't fgure out why he didn't just say he was sorry. I got to feel guilty on top of being physically hurt for him feeling badly. WTF? Mostly he'd blow up over things like dishes not being cleaned, counter not being cleared, cat boxes not being emptied, etc. Stupid stuff. Control things. He was just a bully who was always looking for an excuse to completely lose his cool. I have some really good memories of my father also but I will always unfortunately have the really bad ones too. Your husband is indulging his rage and the more he gets away with it the more he can't/won't control it. Your drinking is another excuse for him to rage. You not drinking could really help things. I am sorry.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
You & the kids shouldn't be treated like this and you don't have to!
What he is doing to you is Domestic Violence. The very next time he begins a tyraid like that, call the police. Please don't wait until he gets physically violent again. He needs to know you mean business.
I have been in more than one relationship where I was treated like sh*t and believe me, it's not going to get any better, especially with you ignoring it. I can't be the one to judge and say that if he takes his meds as prescribed that everything will be fine. Maybe things will . . . maybe they won't.
Please look into various web sites on Domestic Violence. There are so many things that you can do to protect yourself right away when he starts again. Sounds like your kids are old enough to go into another room and quietly call 911 or possibly run out the door to a neighbors. There are so many other things that you can put into play if and when you need them.
No one deserves to be talked to that way. It doesn't matter WHY he is doing it, the fact is, it's Domestic Violence, plain and simple. It sounds as though you had a home and were doing ok financially before he came into the picture and you will be fine if the marriage ends. No man's "love" or good qualities can begin to justify that kind of treatment.
Be stong, whatever you do, DON'T pick up! You have shown incredible strength and determination so far, I'll pray for you and your family, including him, because he obviously has problems of his own.
God Bless,
Judy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Ok...What I am thinking I will keep to myself. I am not good at all with threads like this. And what I will say will probably not be close to civil at all.
But I care about you so I will say...Dont let it make you lose what you have accomplished. Your doing really good.
I really hope you keep the strength and not drink. I know you can.
Never be ashamed for being honest.
But I care about you so I will say...Dont let it make you lose what you have accomplished. Your doing really good.
I really hope you keep the strength and not drink. I know you can.
Never be ashamed for being honest.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
TM
Wow. You've been privately helping me whilst going through this. You are some kind of woman.
I have VERY much to say about this stuff. From a male perspective. It may be best said in private conversation. I am fragile, as you say, but not nearly too fragile to help you on this. It would, in fact, help me to support another.
PM me if you wish my feedback.
friend warren
Wow. You've been privately helping me whilst going through this. You are some kind of woman.
I have VERY much to say about this stuff. From a male perspective. It may be best said in private conversation. I am fragile, as you say, but not nearly too fragile to help you on this. It would, in fact, help me to support another.
PM me if you wish my feedback.
friend warren
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I am feeling very exhausted right now, as I just got chewed out over the phone that if there is not an apology from my son about the filthy hedgehog cage, it will all start up again.
I will say on his behalf that we do tell Cameron to clean that cage all the time like a broken record - he does neglect the animal. I have set up some written rules regarding the hedgehog, these rules will be posted by the cage. I believe in disapline without shaming, I was shamed by my father daily.
Now the one thing that I have always praised myself for, I am not so sure of. And that was being a great mother.
Cameron and Kaylee do have their dad in there life. We still remain close, and he is a very layed back and sweet man, I'm glad they have him and spend quite a bit of time with him.
I will say on his behalf that we do tell Cameron to clean that cage all the time like a broken record - he does neglect the animal. I have set up some written rules regarding the hedgehog, these rules will be posted by the cage. I believe in disapline without shaming, I was shamed by my father daily.
Now the one thing that I have always praised myself for, I am not so sure of. And that was being a great mother.
Cameron and Kaylee do have their dad in there life. We still remain close, and he is a very layed back and sweet man, I'm glad they have him and spend quite a bit of time with him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Verbal abuse is one thing but physical abuse is quite another. I defer to people much smarter than me on the subject but it seems to me like your husband has crossed the line from being a pain in the a** into abuse.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I honestly feel a little out of control. I just going to sit here. I need to go to the pharmacy. But I'm not going to because I am afraid I will stop at the liqour store. Im just going to sit here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Hey toomutch bsounds like my hubby whos bi-pola and at the moment off his meds so he does some irrational things. I cant probably give good advice beacuase I choos to stay in a realationship thats up and down but I would say that you need to give him a ultimatium to go back on meds or you and the kids will leave!! My hubby when his next pay comes in wants to get more medication beacuse he knows he funtions better on meds. He has no right treating you like that because of his illness!! I mean it must of being temting when he went on about the hedgehog??? you have hedghogs as pets??? neat
I must see if I can catch one lol anyhow it must of being soo soo temting to say "well you clean the bloody things cage out if it hacks you off then leave him too it lol
I must see if I can catch one lol anyhow it must of being soo soo temting to say "well you clean the bloody things cage out if it hacks you off then leave him too it lol
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Hey TooMuch. I hate to hear of you being in that situation. I have never in my life abused a woman. If I had, my Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Aunts, Uncles, mailman, milkman you name it would have whooped a mud hole in my cabboose so big that I would never forget it. It is just something that a guy should NEVER do. And for those that do, they are nothing more that punk bullies. I triple dog dare him to try that crap with me. I'd kick his - well, you know what.
To me, and this just my personal opinion (no medical/legal kinda advice) I would call the cops and tell them to come get that SOB and keep him away from you and your precious children. Give him back his shirts and dresser and tell to hit the road. I'm talking a Super Bowl style through the uprights, kick his butt to the curb. Do it today and don't look back. If he would escalate to that level over a hedgie, imagine what he'll do do when you burn his toast. His next move may be the last for you or one of your children.
I bet that afterwards he told you that he was so sorry and that that won't happen again. Either that or he stood fast and reinforced his delusional concept that he is is lord and master over his kingdom. Either way, he is an abuser and your job as a MOM (not wife) is to protect your children. And please don't wait.
He is just like a big ole stinky dog with a big bark. Each time he growls, hound dogs should cower. It's time for you move the big dog and his fleas out of the dog house!!!!
I'll be praying for you.
To me, and this just my personal opinion (no medical/legal kinda advice) I would call the cops and tell them to come get that SOB and keep him away from you and your precious children. Give him back his shirts and dresser and tell to hit the road. I'm talking a Super Bowl style through the uprights, kick his butt to the curb. Do it today and don't look back. If he would escalate to that level over a hedgie, imagine what he'll do do when you burn his toast. His next move may be the last for you or one of your children.
I bet that afterwards he told you that he was so sorry and that that won't happen again. Either that or he stood fast and reinforced his delusional concept that he is is lord and master over his kingdom. Either way, he is an abuser and your job as a MOM (not wife) is to protect your children. And please don't wait.
He is just like a big ole stinky dog with a big bark. Each time he growls, hound dogs should cower. It's time for you move the big dog and his fleas out of the dog house!!!!
I'll be praying for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
Hi TooMutch,
I feel so bad for you, I don't even know what to say. Please just stay strong, you know you don't want to go backwards and you know who will lose if you drink (you). You should just stay proud of what you have accomplished.
My husband causes anxiety in our home sometimes. All of a sudden he goes nuts, cuz the dishes aren't done, or the girls rooms are a mess or why are they always on the d*mn phone (they are teenagers, what do you expect?) It just makes all of us uncomfortable. Please don't take any physical abuse.
Hang in there sweetie.
I feel so bad for you, I don't even know what to say. Please just stay strong, you know you don't want to go backwards and you know who will lose if you drink (you). You should just stay proud of what you have accomplished.
My husband causes anxiety in our home sometimes. All of a sudden he goes nuts, cuz the dishes aren't done, or the girls rooms are a mess or why are they always on the d*mn phone (they are teenagers, what do you expect?) It just makes all of us uncomfortable. Please don't take any physical abuse.
Hang in there sweetie.
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