Thanks for this LTD, I love this example of healthy communication and taking responsibility for emotions, it is what I am working toward myself.
I am quite new to my recovery been working on me for 10 months, single for 6; so I am not heading into any relationships just yet. I want to take some time out and get to know me, deal with some issues etc.
It is inspiring to see how a healthy relationship can look, seeing as I've never had any example of that with people in my life or my family!
I do have an example of healthy communication between my sister and I...
It was a few weeks ago, we work within the same company, in the same building, but within different teams. She had had a very stressful day with her colleague and came to see me in my office as she needed time out.
I suggested we go for a coffee and chat. When we got to the coffee house, we sat down together and I gave her room to talk out all her angst, just listening without interrupting her.
After she had finished complaining about this girl, I told her that my advice would be to sit down with this girl, and clamly, without letting her emotions go, talk about it with her. That it was probably just a crossed wire and the other girl was not even aware probably that she was having this much effect on my sister.
She decided to not act on my advice, and just wanted to vent to me. Fine, her choice!
But for me this was great! I didn't allow my sisters emotions to become mine or try to problem solve for her, or join in with the rant (all things I may have done before learning about my codependancy). I also, even though I could see she was allowing her emotions to be led by this girl and that she could do with some of her own recovery work, I didn't preach this to her! Another part (I'll tell you the way to fix it) of me, that I would usually have let run wild.
So for me, this is me beginning to react in a healthy way toward the relationships I do have right now. In time, my new skills will serve me well in any new relationships too!
Thanks LTD
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx