LTD,
I'm glad you posted this inquiry, because I have been wanting to "share" my good news but didn't feel like starting a post tooting my own good fortune.
I have been separated/divorced for the past nearly 5 years. I have not dated and knew that I was not ready for many of those years. Early this summer, a great friend (guy) from high school, my best friend really, contacted me (he was divorced a year ago) and we had dinner, shared some emails and phone calls, and I started wondering "what if?", you know, could there be something more here than just friendship? He is very different from exAhusband, and initially I thought not necessarily my type. But my "type" has always been a bad choice for me--typical drugged out-drunked out wild guy. I knew that my picker had been broken for a long time which was why I had chosen not to date but just be with "me" for so long and nurture myself well. I wasn't looking. This was the first time I was excited to go to dinner with a MAN in 5 years, honestly, and there was no anxious feeling in my stomach, that 6th sense I have learned to trust.
It's been great. I know that my HP put us in each others' paths at just this time. We have had such a fun and loving summer together, and I am falling in love again. There have been several moments where I've let my codependent nature rear its head and let me doubt myself, nearly sabotaging a wonderful relationship with worry and awfulyzing, but like you I have learned that patience, trust, turning it over to my HP, and following the 24 hour rule (stop, wait 24 hours before responding so that my emotions are more in check) are well worth it.
All that I have experienced in life up to this point has taught me so much about myself, and I'm very glad I took the long time off from relationships that I did. I am in a great place for something this healthy and positive and loving. I know I deserve to be treated this special, even when those little insecurity feelings pop up here and there. Honest communication has been the key, no games or lies or pretenses. I agree, recovery hasn't eliminated the codependency, but has made me very aware of its presence and to put a hand up to it and say stop, you don't live that way anymore. Healthy is so much better, so much more fun, and so much in the PRESENT. One day at a time is a perfect approach in a new relationship, and I'm loving every day these days
