Juju - I understand. The divorce decision is a tough one. I don't know what your situation is but for me, the good outweighs the bad. I don't believe my AH is going to get sober while I'm living with him. He's starting to get aggressive (physically and sexually). I don't want DD seeing this or becoming the victim of it. If he ever hurt her or me, I could NEVER forgive him. By removing ourselves from the situation, I'm saving him from himself really. The gin is his true love, his mistress, I'm just the person who pays the bills. I don't want DD growing up to think that's what a wife is.
So, I've decided that it's better for DD and I to live with my parents. I've already talked with them. I can work part time and go to school. In two years, DD will be in kindergarten and I can get a job that will support both of us long term. It's not going to be a job I particularly like, but it's something I'm willing to do to make our lives more comfortable. I'm not talking about a BMW in the driveway comfortable... just there's money in a savings account for a broken arm. We can find a modest place to live and just be together. She's not going to be the kid that gets a new bike every year, but she'll have a warm safe place to live.
I'm pretty sure the worst part is going to be AH having supervised visitation. That's going to really hurt me. I'm just going to try to stay very busy during that time. As far as telling DD about divorce, my counselor has said to just tell DD(2) about the things that matter to her: when she's going to see us and that we love her.
These are the only things I have control over... it's not perfect, but it's the best I can do. DD is giving me the strength and desire to do this. It's all about her. I hope this is helpful to someone...