:prayingI'm sorry you're feeling so scared and depressed. But if you think about it, you have accomplished things that you should be proud of, so you ARE capable of doing good in your life. Just know that talking about it helps. Those that are here going thru similiar situations will try to help you as much as we can, but it's up to you to continue to love yourself. You're not in denial of how you feel and you can do something about it, just push yourself b/c you are the only one that can change how YOU feel, no one else is going to do that for you. Go to meetings, it will help you somehow. Be open. Post as much as you can and people will respond, we all care. We are all here to help each other out. You're not alone. And don't think about ending it all, think about your kids and your family, they need you as much as you need them. It's tough, but I think situations like this make us tougher and you'll look back one day and think, I made it, I survived! Good Luck drainedwife and I wish that you overcome these feelings!