Blessed, you sound as though you are going through the motions of acceptance and grief. anger is an important part of that, it needs to be felt and processed, it doesn't go away if ignored, as I am learning and I did not even think I was deliberately ignoring it!
Detaching does get easier with practice. however detaching does not mean accepting unacceptable behaviour. Nothing changes if nothing changes as they say, and it is very true.
Your AH will not change his ways until he is ready to. So for the unforseeable future this is what your life and your children's life will be like. Only you can decide if that is ok with you. You can practice detaching, you can get the kids to Ala-teen to help them learn how to cope, you can heal yourselves and build tools to help you through.
But... Do you want to have your kids learn how to cope with this? I decided that I wanted more for my daughter and myself. She learnt that my abf was unreliable, that she could not count on him for support, to be there when she needed him, he would not play with her, he was an endless teaser always irritating her. She did not like to be with him alone for too long, would usually come to se where I was and what i was doing.
You will be ready to make the changes you need when you are ready, as funny as that sounds, it just happens at a different time for all of us.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx