This morning I changed some small things. I had a whole new routine that I was going to do- up at dawn, do yoga, work for 2 hours on my thesis- but then I couldn't get to sleep last night until really late, just lay there for hours. Of course I overslept. I woke up and felt like, crap, just like me, make big plans and f$ck them up. But then instead of lying in bed with my laptop, reading a bazillion news sites and thinking about how much I have to do and how much I suck, I got up right away, took a shower and got dressed. Made coffee. I will soon be out the door to work at my part time job (I set my own hours, which is a dangerous beast!).
I had a revelation this morning... I was thinking that it's not enough to be the same old me, minus drinking. Drinking/the consequences of drinking are too much of my life. If I'm going to be sober, I have to change the way I do things. I am trying on the thought "The old me did x this way. The new sober me does x that way."
Does that sound crazy? Like, schizoid?
And by the way, I had no idea how much of a relief it would be to have a place where I didn't have to pretend it's not hard to not drink, or that I have this problem at all. It turns out that all that pretending takes a lot of energy. Hm.