Little taste of freedom
AH left the house on Sat evening and moved in with his mum who arrived to take him away. He was very drunk, very teary and feeling very sorry for himself. I got a bit emotional too - he used to be my best friend after all and we have been together 18 years!
Sunday, I knew I had the house to myself. I indulged in things I wouldn't normally have done if he was here. I relaxed, felt all the tension go in my shoulders. I chilled out and it was wonderful! I didn't just laze around, I got a few odds n ends done around the house too - stripped his bed, tidied, cleaned away a lot of his stuff etc. The peace was wonderful.
Anyway, you all know this is just too good to last, don't you? He's been gone 4 days and has communicated with me more than he did when he was staying here!! Each time, he leaves me angry and upset and I let myself stew on it for the rest of the day.
I just can't seem to stop feeling all this stuff! I don't react to him when I talk on the phone/reply to his emails. We do need to communicate because we still have to sell the house (he'd like me to buy him out and I'm giving it serious thought) and divide up the contents. When we do talk though, he seems to be in some sort of delusional land... He uses the phrase ' I expect we'll be grown ups about this' when he's about to make a totally unreasonable statement - for example, assuming I buy his share of the house, he will take some of his stuff when he rents a flat and then, in a year or two, once he has decided where he wants to stay (read - if things work out with his new lady love or not) he'll come back and pick out some more things!!! :wtf2
How I feel doesn't register with him. He seems to have no concept of the pain and grief he has caused me and was a bit suprised when I said that I would probably want at least a few months of no contact once everything was settled - this year has been hell and I need to recover.
Am I supposed to hang about and wait for him to try out his new life so that if he doesn't like it he can just come back???
I don't think so. I'm done.
I just need to try and work on my detachment. I need to let go of the anger and anxiety I feel every time I hear from him so that I don't ruin my day! Help!