I'm going through the same thing. I did feel bad while I was putting together something in writing, but I eventually sorted it all out. The feedback you are getting is right- he is an adult. He made some bad choices and now he will have to deal with the consequences. The most important person in all of this right now is your daughter. Things may change in the future with him, but for right now you cannot trust her with him- that has to come out. I know it's hard. . . but you have enough emotionally to deal with. Don't take on his emotions and what he may or may not be feeling. If he is hurt- so be it. It's his issue- not yours.