Hi Redd- I can see you're struggling.
I read through this thread and still don't understand what you're afraid of. What is BPD? Bipolar disorder? I also see that you seem to be very stuck on what your AW is doing/not doing and what her diagnosis might be. It's hard to get just what it is that has you immobilized in an abusive situation, but just know no one is rushing you to do anything drastic. You can do what you need to do in your own time. However, something, anything on your part to change the dynamic can start to make good things happen for you.
I had no idea how frightened I really was of my STBXAH, and he never laid a hand on me. My situation was extremely difficult to deal with, though. I lived every moment wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. I am learning how to relax finally. I just discovered I am divorcing a man I was afraid of- and I still have fear- don't get me wrong. But it's very different. My fear is all something I can handle, because I have the power to figure it out. I no longer am held to my STBXAH's whims, moods, chaos. I don't have to wait for him to "get it" or take care of my needs. I can take care of my own. I'm sad that I couldn't do that WITH him, but I had to leave, and to do that I had to finally decide I was worth more. Life is more peaceful now, and I am grateful. Take care of yourself Redd. Life is too short to live in fear.