nici

hello,
I am new to this, some of you may be aware that my dad is a alcoholic. He refuses to beleive he has a problem. He is very needy and dependant on me in terms of advice and emotional support, it has been so overwheleming. threw out my life (I am now 34 yrs old) we have not always spoke, But now and for awhile i must stay in contact for the welfare of my lil brother. I dont have a choice because he is a single dad, he raises my little brother. I have a problem seperating myself. He dosent work and so i get at least 8 calls a day from him, not to mention he keeps me on the phone. I am trying to recover and have a hard time recovering, i feel like he is holding me back. I dont tell him this because in the past i would blow up at him blaming him for all of his actions in the past. I have a healthy mother who was beaten by him years ago as well as a 40yr old brother beaten as well, I was not subjected to any physical abuse because mom removed me at an earlly age. Thank you mommy.
so my relationship has always been very rocky, and i knew i needed to control my temper and develop patience to show my lil brother some type of healthlyness. this has taken a lot of work. In the past my responses to him and the language - screaming and cursing that i have used has left me feeling guily, cause all in all i must live with myself. I am not an angry adult I am a wonderful girl with compassion and qualitys, and i am very sensitive. About a year ago i just showed up at my dads house and found him in a depressed state of mind, i noticed that there were no blankets and more i wont get into and the house was not in order, let me mention i have had a good life with mom and have been able to make a nice life for myself as well as save for my future and my goals. i had to give him some money it was alot of $ (he did not ask) because i have and could not live with myself or ignore how hard it is for them. I could not walk in with expensive boots/ or eat a steak for dinner knowing they will be eating noodles for dinner of franks. But at the same time i feel he is a grown man and he should teach me or give to me. I have to ungo a huge operation in the next 2 months and wanted to clear the air for my anger in the past whether or not i am right a father is a father! right and i should respect him NO MATTER WHAT and if i dont i should keep it to myself.My mom used to say "if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it and she is right.
my problem is as stated in the begining i want to recover from the guilt of making a better life for myself. I want to contunie to have patience and contunie to have respect. but at the same time i want to distance myself from all the phone calls, i cant contol myself in not answering his calls (i have caller id) i must pick it up.
I want to understand that he is no longer capable of understanding any logic, i am just tired of all his problems, listening to them over and over agian. I really have my own stuff.
I was hoping that someone can help me understand what alcohol does to a person 60 years old who has been a heavy drinker. I want to undestand what he understands and what he cant because of this disease. i know it is a disease and its okay if he wont accept it but i need to understand it in order to help me recover. If you can please share with me what ever you can to help me to understand what i am dealing with.
Please
nici