Anger
So...it's been a little over a week since the bf showed up on my doorstep after detox. He's doing good, going to meetings, talking with people, even including me in the process this time by being more open with me and trying to talk to me when he has cravings and such. Good for him.
what about me? I am trying to take care of myself and put myself first. I have been so angry this whole week its taking a toll. I got my gas card bill in the mail and I had let him borrow it about the time he relapsed and I jumped on him cause it was over $500. I accused him of hussling to get $ for dope. But after I sat down and looked at it, everything he said to me regarding the bill was true. He had his son's cousin Madison for 4th of July and had to pick her up and drop her off. She lives more than 2 hours away from us and his car is not so great on gas. So once I really looked @ it, he was telling me the truth. Any little thing sets me off. He has been actively looking for a job, but didn't really go anywhere yesterday, so I flipped out. I need help. I can't support us both and his child on the weekends. I need him to get a job and start pulling his weight. He says he understands but I feel he is being too picky. He won't work here or there because he doesn't want to. I know fast food isn't a glamorous job...but it's a paycheck until something better comes along. Especially after he cleaned out my checking account and I am negative $930 and now the $500+ gas card bill. I don't know what to do. I was so angry this morning part of me wanted to throw him out an tell him to figure it out on his own. We already got to this point on Wednesday when I dropped him off at the train station cause I thought he was lying to me about the gas card. I ended up going back and finding him.
He listens..but its not sinking in and the more time goes by that he doesnt have a job...the more angry I get.