nobingealready

I agree completely stone and exbartender--it's funny how when you drink, the things that matter just fall to the wayside. How when you are sober you can accomplish so much, and you do things like, um, take care of yourself, and when you drink you don't. For me the other thing I do during (and especially the day after) drinking is eating badly. When hungover I will load up on junk food all day and tell myself it's just for that day because I feel crummy. How stupid is that?!?!? Ok so I'll just say that today is day 4 and am still eating junk food ahahha but I guess the difference is is that I am sober, and will be making a plan to return to exercise and healthier food. the junk food's almost gone anyway so, just don't buy anymore as they say.

Today went a little rougher emotionally, I was very tearful when driving to work. also when driving home. I guess I forget how the emotions will once again surface...here are some of the things my small voice was saying in my head: "why did you go and do this to yourself, say you were gonna quit drinking completely? What about when you get to go camping later this summer and you always like to have a few beers when you are camping? What about the annual halloween party at so n so's house where so n so will have all the homemade beer and wine they made and will expect you to try some? What about a few years from now when you plan (dream) to go to Europe and go hiking across Norway, aren't you gonna want to have a beer after the big hike? Dont you wanna go check out some pubs and drink beer? What about the concert you are supposed to go to next weekend?" and on and on and on...my heart beat faster and my hands were sweating and I felt this overwhelming urge to just give up this vow. But I knew I had to stop and think (think it through), which went like this:
1. I get ready to go to the concert, so I gotta have beer before the concert,
2. Drink a beer or two, then leave and go to eat, where
3. Continue to drink beer or maybe wine with dinner, then more after dinner and then
4. Get to concert at nightclub, where i commence to drink yet more beer
5. by this time I am feeling pretty buzzed so now I want to work on maybe having a shot or two, and then
6. pretty drunk by the time the band I like actually comes on, and then
7. I am injured in some way by falling/staggering around up front at the show
8. I continue to drink and drink till the wee hours of the morning, until
9. I pass out, wake up (too early, cant' even sleep in anymore the hangover wakes me up) feeling HORRIFIC with shakes, headache, weakness, sickness, problems with my vision, and the "best" part of all,
10. I really don't remember the concert (which was, DUH, the whole point of the night!)

Now that I have re-read that, it sure does help! that "Think it through" slogan is a good one! but also so is one day at a time. That is one I need to think about when i get the urge to think about "what about when ---", as you could see from my small voice talking earlier, I was projecting into the future. And I need to instead focus on today, just for today, and even, just for right now this minute! Thinking way ahead about those things, well, gets ya into trouble! However, I'll be writing in before this concert next weekend ( if I even go) for ideas on how to get through...

Well everyone today is the last day of July, it is a good month that will be missed (in part) but happily remembered in my mind as the month I made up my mind to quit.
I hope everyone is doing well today. and if not, remember that this too shall pass (guess I am just full of slogans today... =) and no amount of booze will make it pass faster or easier or better. Remember why you came here. You are worth it!! In sober solidarity, nobingealready