Introduction and Advance Apologies
Hello everyone,
Having just become a registered member of this community, I have spent a good deal of time reading through the previous posts. So, now that I feel like I know, and can relate to, some of you very personally, I figured it would only be fair to introduce myself and share a bit of my story.
I am the surviving daughter and sister of alcoholics. Eleven years ago this May 11th, my father died of kidney failure brought on by decades of drinking. This past November, I lost my brother who was only 37 years old. He leaves behind a wife and an eleven year old son. He had 14 1/2 years in his job, and for reasons we'll never know, he took a gun and killed himself. In the three days it took us to find him, we learned he had repeatedly tried to check himself into a dry-out clinic, only to be told his problem was not severe enough and that he would be placed on a waiting list. Two days ago, Friday night, I found out his surviving widow, my sister-in-law, went on a binge and when she realized, almost too late, what she was doing, called her sister and had herself admitted to the same dryout clinic that had refused my brother. My eleven year old nephew is now living with my sister's family.
I can't pretend to be understanding right now. That's where the advance apologies come into place. I won't apologize for being harsh right now. I have read the books, and I'm still just as confused as I was before I spent $75 at Borders Book Store. I'm going to attend my first Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night. Perhaps by then I will have worked up some compassion. But right now, I will just have to ask for everyone's patience and understanding. It's going to take a little while for me to work through the anger of knowing my brother tried to get help and was refused, of knowing that despite everything my nephew has been through, his mother would go and try to do te same stupid thing that is causing her so much pain right now. You'll also please forgive me if I have no support for the "system" right now. Tihs is a "System" that tells me that because my family and I are extremely Irish, we're more likely to wander down this path. To me that's like one of those scumballs on Sally Jesse Rafael saying "Because I was abused as a child, I have no control over my own actions, and beat my kids because of it."
Can someone just please answer me one question? When is it time to take responsiblity for your own actions?
Thanks for listening and see you all on the web.
Erin