Originally Posted by
NeedHappiness 
I reached a point where every single day I was obsessed with thoughts of what he was doing, what I should do to help him, was he at work, will he drink tonight, etc.
This rings so true with me...For me, when I met my AH, he was a mess....he was going through a divorce, depressed, drunk...He would say: "All that I have ever wanted was someone to love me and have a family." CODIE to the rescue! As we moved forward into the relationship, I allowed myself to believe that we were living this life that I was creating. I now know that in actuality, he was drinking behind my back and never really did anything on his own for his recovery. No AA...no therapy...but very good at saying all the right things (like admitting he is an alcoholic). Since our schedules are different...it was easy for AH to drink, sleep it off, and present himself accordingly. However, eventually, the disease progresses so did the slides. The drinking became more apparent. I find myself obsessing all day long about where he is, what he is doing, who is he with! I find it hard to leave because I am afraid of the pain. I have guilt for abandoning him. I STILL try to rescue him, I guess. Maybe, I won't know what to do with all the peace if he is gone (strange isn't it?) We all stay for some reason. I am glad you are sharing with a friend. It helps. This site helps tremendously too. Keep us posted