Right on about having a therapist! That is so great! Drained.... you are doing so well and I'm really proud of you! Please don't beat yourself up about staying in this for so long.... you are only doing what you feel it is that you should be doing. Do you feel that leaving is the strong thing to do?
I used to battle with what was strong...... staying or leaving..... cause I wanted to be STRONG!!!!! Finally the pain of leaving actually was less than the pain of staying! So really was I strong to leave? I came to the conclusion... it's not about strength, it's about where my bottom was. I no longer had the fight left inside of me and I chose to leave. The irony is that my exah called me several months ago telling me that he now was on the codie side of things being in a relationship with an addict! He just kept apologizing for all that he put me through and how crazy it can make someone.... it IS a family disease!
When you are ready.... you are ready.... in the meantime stay centered in yourself.... what it is that you want... and move in that direction. There is absolutely nothing that he can or will say that will make you feel better about things..... likewise you to him. Action is where it lies. When you are ready to implement all of these tools... you will. I truly believe that. You are building quite the tool box and again...... I'm VERY proud of you!!!!! This is not easy... but you are doing it .... and you are STRONG! There is power in knowledge! You have helped me in the past here and I am so grateful.
Give yourself a big hug..... you deserve it!