Holly:
all I can say is that in my experience that the more you hold it in - the worse it is going to get and somehow, someway - your anger and frustration is going to come out and usually it comes out in VERY bad ways.... it may come out when you are dealing with your kids, it may come out at work - it may come out in a variety of ways - all of which I can tell y uo are going to be harmful....
Also - you already have your answer as to why you do the things that you do.... you laready mentioned it... You are in denial...you are walking the tight rope hoping that the probelm will just get better with no confrontation.... Unfortunately we know that there is a very small, almost insignificant % that things get beeter with no confrontation.... unfortunately for us - the reverse is true... confrontation comes with this life we lead or have lead.... No matter what you decide to do - the longer you hang on to your feelings - the worse it will get....
Here is my question to you.... what are you afraid of him doing if you stand up for yourslef and your rights and your feelings? is it just his mouth? Remember those are just words and they can not hurt unless you let them....let him run off his mouth, let him hang himself because that all they usually do when they shoot off thier mouth....
You are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for....Stop burying the feelings.... You are doing the same thing your alcoholic is... burying feelings... is it working for him??? No, it is not working for you either.....
re-read your post... we all have the answers within ourselves - but only if we get totally honest with ourselves about why we do and say the things we do....you answered your own question - you just don't want to see it.....
Love
Ogly