HELP! I'm trying to keep sane!

Old 04-16-2002, 12:50 PM
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GirlfromNC
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Unhappy HELP! I'm trying to keep sane!


It seems like everytime I open my mouth and say I'm doing pretty good it always seems to bite me right on my " "!!! I posted a question earlier wanting to know if a person could ever drink responsibly. Well, the fact of the matter is that I really knew the answer but I was in denial. I keep hoping for some reason that things will magically get better. My husband and I get along remarkably well but I now know why. I never cross lines with him. I let him be how he is going to be and never say a word. I let him have his way about everything and tip toe around his feelings and actions. How stupid. But on the other hand I don't have to listen to his MOUTH! So am I doing something wrong? Sometimes I get sooooooo angry but I have no way of letting it out.There is definatly something wrong with that. How am I supposed to act? Am I doing right by letting him be? Should I be more demanding? I'm sort of in a rut again. I guess thats part of loving an alcoholic.RUTS! I guess sometimes I feel like I'm gonna lose it! I just need to keep my sanity for the childrens sake and my own!


Holly
 
Old 04-16-2002, 01:50 PM
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Holly:

all I can say is that in my experience that the more you hold it in - the worse it is going to get and somehow, someway - your anger and frustration is going to come out and usually it comes out in VERY bad ways.... it may come out when you are dealing with your kids, it may come out at work - it may come out in a variety of ways - all of which I can tell y uo are going to be harmful....

Also - you already have your answer as to why you do the things that you do.... you laready mentioned it... You are in denial...you are walking the tight rope hoping that the probelm will just get better with no confrontation.... Unfortunately we know that there is a very small, almost insignificant % that things get beeter with no confrontation.... unfortunately for us - the reverse is true... confrontation comes with this life we lead or have lead.... No matter what you decide to do - the longer you hang on to your feelings - the worse it will get....

Here is my question to you.... what are you afraid of him doing if you stand up for yourslef and your rights and your feelings? is it just his mouth? Remember those are just words and they can not hurt unless you let them....let him run off his mouth, let him hang himself because that all they usually do when they shoot off thier mouth....

You are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for....Stop burying the feelings.... You are doing the same thing your alcoholic is... burying feelings... is it working for him??? No, it is not working for you either.....

re-read your post... we all have the answers within ourselves - but only if we get totally honest with ourselves about why we do and say the things we do....you answered your own question - you just don't want to see it.....

Love
Ogly
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Old 04-16-2002, 02:35 PM
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JT
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Hey Girl,

It seems as tho you have a relatively calm household...considering. You might consider the fact that you have TIME...

You don't have to DO anything until you are ready. You could gain some strength through the program...you could test the waters. You could confront him at a time of your choosing and see what happens...and I'll bet that you will suprise yourself.

In my case, my home had gotten pretty ugly and when I chose to NOT react it was huge. In your case that may not be true...any change at all affects the balance. Even small things.

The fact that you are becoming aware of your own ways of dealing is a huge step and if you are in no way threatened or feel unsafe consider it a gift of time. Time to grow and get stronger and try new behaviors.

It's kind of fun to make a change and watch them react to YOU.

One day at a time,
Paula
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