Hey MLE - You are sober, and that's good. I know I am supposed to be getting sober for myself, but I often wonder if I could make a list like you are trying to do...the boundaries between me and my kids, and esp. me and my husband and our interfamily relationships are blurry for me. That may not be the healthiest place to be , but I don't think it means that I would necessarily drink if my husband left me or something happened to one of my kids. (they are still too young to leave me LOL) I just think it means I am still working out who I am and what is important to me, personally, after so many years of hiding in a booze bottle. I don't expect it to happen over night, but as long as you are journeying towards finding out who you really are, and what you need to stay sober, I think you are on the right path.
Just my two cents.
take care, jomey