Hi Horsey,
you're a special friend, thank you for being here. i too have experienced most friends come and go and its worth saying i've allowed my self to accept that's not unusual in fact it's the norm really. i used to examine myself harshly as friendships fractured, broke up, became dust, got blown away. now it's simple whatever.
i'm not dealing with dark harshness now, so things have really changed in the outside world, like never before. my friendship with self is thee key to friendship with others. i always knew that in a head sort of way, but now its written deeply in my heart. i wear my scars honestly today without shame and guilt.
my divorce is changing me, and i am grateful. divorce was a forbidden fruit for my ex and i before we realized we were just kidding ourselves. a happy marriage was not to be for us, and after several years of hardcore repair efforts, my ex and i freely agreed to separate 13 months ago after 22 years. better away with marriage altogether then a hellish existence.
ever since both our lives keep improving. we're strongly committed to a painless-as-possible divorce, and its working because we're friends of a new kind in a new relationship. i'm thinking brave new world.
i have discovered i am still fearful of relationships and friendships not because they may fail, i accept that, no its because they may fail but then horrifically linger on killing me yet again. my old fears are unjustified methinks and i am working through the awful storm. i am letting go and healing moment to moment on a steady charted course to where i have not been before. i am not alone with all my new friends and yet an unwanted loneliness clings to me stubbornly. in my journey that loneliness will be left behind in the dust from my path day by day until one fine day nothing is left of it. yay.
its not just about my sobriety any more. its about my quality of life, and a deeply wanted simple life lived simply. i have discovered that the most broken people who still have love for more than themselves are the best people in the world. i have found these people here at SR in greater numbers in one place then i have ever known any where else in my entire life.
Robby