nowin,
Its not that I am holding onto some dream of him anymore. Because he has it with someone else. The
problem for me is that I can't seem to get rid of the pain of being tossed aside because I did not WANT those things. I knew that I didn't want a child with someone who was so immature and irresponsible. I knew that LOVE is not some wonderful thing that makes everything better forever. I knew that he was an A and I didn't know what HE wanted because he NEVER really told me. After all those years he never really said. Total lack of communication. so I never thought he wanted to be a dad. or have that perfect dream life. I just thought we were ok having anything at all. I was so wrong. If I had known I may have been gone long ago. I don't know.
The fact that he is with someone else isnt even the problem. Thats normal...people, some people, move on, even if it is one month after leaving a long term relationship! It's that he "seems" to have everything. And in the past it was rubbed in my face how she is everything that i never was....that is one thing that I constantly try to forget but it comes back to haunt me all the time.
I really am not the kind of person that wants "those things" I just want someone who respects me and loves me for who I am. But I feel that's even too much to ask sometimes. Please don't think that I am sad because I don't have the things he does. That's not it.
I do remember that he used to talk about everything that he "owned" Even if it wasn't his he would say it was. so he just wants THINGS.
I had a drean last night and he was in it. Well, they were photos of him and in each one he had a disguise on. It was strange but I knew what it meant. I am going to go fossil hunting today. It's gonna hurt but I love it so that's my thing for the day to try to make myself feel good. Something he used to pick on me about...screw him!