These are very good questions Robby.
As with all questions I ask myself these days, I form my opinions based on my life experience, my total life experience not just my sober life experience. A good deal of my personal reflection, working the steps, making concious contact with my higher power is comparing my life before sobriety to my life today. The fact is I've lived the majority of my life butt backwards.
In meetings I hear friends described as people who give emotional support during times of duress...i.e. "When this happened to me I really found out who my friends were." That is invariably followed by something like... "Do you think any of my old using 'friends' were there or even gave a crap".
Whenever I hear this I get to thinking; In all honesty, if I were using I probably wouldn't be interested in what a recovering friend was doing either, or what emotional support they may need. I'd be much to busy doing my thing to be there.
I'm left with the feeling that I have very little experience at being a friend. My life was always consumed by the selfish thought that I need them, so I must do things to acquire them and keep them. Always self-centered....always!! "I can't believe after all I've done for you, you could treat me this way"....always with the balance sheet...keeping score.
Maybe that should be my game-plan, throw away the scorecard and start learning how to be a friend, a true friend, now that would be a change for the better for me.
Peace