I am currently in full blown no contact mode with my AH. (Love how AH can stand for so many things!) We have been in break up, make up mode for 19 years. I've even changed my phone number. That was a tough decision to make because now I have to change it in so many places, but the peace from not living with the insanity will be worth it.
Something's gotta change, and this time it will be me.
Not engaging is hard work when we're used to being on overload. I will say, however, that the fog in my mind is clearing.
Wishing you clarity, strength and peace!