hello, I can totally relate to your post. My STBXAH is very very selfish. he too is a police officer and I had just really expected a mature, man but what I have is a selfish, child of a man.
My STBXAH has been not drinking for almost a year but he is nowhere near the man I knew. He is more selfish now then when he was drinking every day. Everyone is so proud of his sobriety but I constantly say "actions speak louder than words". He is a mean, person to me and hates me. I have big shoulders so I can take it and you can too.
Most times when he shows his "true colors" it gives me validation that I have made the right choice by divorcing him.
I wish you nothing but the best. You need to concentrate on you and realize that there is nothing you can do to change him. You will only make yourself crazy in the processs.