(((i4getsm))) I know how you feel. This is a great thread. You've gotten some good advice. I hadn't ever really thought about why I needed the same sort of thing from STBXAH- the apology, acknowledging my hurt, some remorse, a show of sadness or wanting to come back. Mine did none of that. He walked away- as yours seems to have- so easily. After 18 years I guess I would have thought he'd cry, beg, try to do something to make things work- instead I got nothing. It's been really hard for me to wrap my brain around. On the one hand, I do believe something would have been normal/healthy- but then he isn't healthy. On the other hand, I now wonder why I need his validation? Over and over for years I also subjected myself to shoddy behavior and abuse. Why would I expect anything better from him? Why do I need it when I know I won't get it, and what I really need now is to continue to take care of myself? I loved Lily's comment- I don't need his words for that. Somehow I need to drill into my head that I am worth a healthy relationship- with myself first. Looking for anything substantial from STBXAH is fruitless. But- believe me- I know how hard it is. Take care. . .