I totally get what you're feeling.
With stbxah and I being so on again, off again for the past almost year, I really can see how if I was the one who told him it was over, or to leave, ect....it wasnt nearly as bad for me emotionally.
As long as it was me doing the leaving, it was much easier.
I know for me it stems from my abandoment and rejections issues. And
maybe a control thing?
But I also think its pretty much a normal thing in a breakup - the person ending it has a bit of an easier time.