StillLearning1

Thanks guys- whew.. what is it?? It's when people are nice- that I cry.
I don't feel remarkable though- I can't help but think I have to be doing something wrong. That if I only knew what to do- and did it..

Advocates- long story short.. My first domestic abuse advocate, who also knew me somewhat personally (kids sports).. Well aware of the story- ex's "girlfriend" (cw)- had threatened to kill me. (I am the fault of all her problems- if she only knew how many times I had tried to have her busted!!) Anyway- serious threat, brother is currently in prison for 30 some years for murder. She has a long rap sheet.. alias.. But turns out.. MY Domestic advocate- was also advocating HER!! My safe place.. and that is where she is.
New advocate and center (obviously)-
I am in a "special" program for those being stalked.. Another time.. filled with hope. OOPS!! Heck because it is in another county from the two counties I currently have to go to court in- They can't even attend. I also found out things... like this.
Amber Alerts?? In this state they will not do an amber alert if it is "relative" related-

As for the groups there. Oh dear- I am fortunate, so fortunate. Thank you for reminding me. The ex's "disease" is well progressed and documented by the courts.. Lots of arrests just no jail time. Not everyone else is so fortunate..

The news? I have emailed them.. called them.. Oprah??
My son?? "mom, no doubt when/if he does kill someone, they will be camped out on the lawn. Front page news.. The police, the news shows with all their shrinks will want to talk to you- the phone will be ringing off the hook, with people trying to figure out why and what happened."

Oh heck- I am usually a very private person. At one point I actually wanted to be on reality tv- sure bring the camera's in!! Thinking that if others knew.. then someone would do something or do what they said they would. Denial... Denial.. it would be harder for *others* to be in denial.
System is very broken is simply what it is.
I do believe the majority of people don't know it. So can't believe it. I was one of them once. I just didn't know how the laws and court systems really work.
I know I am far from the only one..
In fact, when he pulls something new and I am shocked.. or something new happens in the court system.. The prosecuters.. police.. advocates.. are not at all surprised. They just shake their heads and say, he knows how it works and how to work it.
Hello?? anyone feel like letting me in on it??

Thanks all- I appreciate your replys- meant a lot. Just a relief to be honest- those secrets are killers!!
Hey impurrfect- please pass over the @#&@ cough medicine!! (humor)
Now, it's not such an act- I can see the kids and the rest of the world and I don't feel so darn lousy. Don't know if or what God can or will do- but thanks for caring and taking the time to reply. (I'm still not giving up on the news as advocates)

Kids- I was typing when your post entered.
I'm going to print it and put it on the mirror. I can't really express it. That feeling of- it must be me, I am not doing something right, I am missing something.. Will I look back and be shocked- be filled with, the should've, would've, could've's?? The I must be crazy's- this doesn't happen...
Thanks for sharing your experience- hope and strength. The last man/mom standing..
Just yesterday I was giving my son one of those, you have to hope- have to dream- have to keep trying. Can't give up..
And me?? A few hours later..
I was also getting into very stinky thinking.. Maybe if I didn't renew that ofp.. didn't say "no"- heck he would quit...
Nope- I'm powerless over him.. Just myself.

By the way- I really appreciate any ideas and input- no such thing as dumb.. Heck.. sometimes we do the same things in a different way.. different people.. or different times. I don't want my post to give anyone the idea that my experience is everyones- or that something doesn't work. I don't regret a single thing that I tried- even if the result wasn't what I wanted or needed. I know that I tried.