*sister hugs*
I know exactly how you feel!!! My sister is my addict, and I find myself feeling guilty sometimes for the same reason... because I choose to take care of me instead of her.
One thing that I learned through my friends here is that, no matter how much I want to help my sister, there is nothing in the world that I can do that will help her until she is ready to help herself. Sure, not buying myself new work clothes to pay her electric bill might have, at one time, felt like the charitable thing to do, but I have to remind myself that paying an addict's light bill, putting food on their table, even giving them a safe place to stay does them no good at all. If anything, it only makes things worse, because that is one more thing keeping them from reaching their "bottom of the barrel" mentality and ultimately their desire to change. Think of his bottom as the only way out of his addiction, and then think of everything that you consider doing to help him as one more net that he has to get past to get to that hole in the bottom.
Something else I've had to remind myself of lately: how could I think about spending money to enable my addict when my own husband is needing new shoes? Or when we need that money to pay our own light bill? Why should my husband continue to take the back seat in my life just because my sister continues to make bad choices?
I was so relieved when I got to the bottom of the post and saw that you did not give in and send that check. I'm so glad you found us! Please do keep coming back... the more the merrier!
