Reddmaxx-
I have a dear friend who is sober/recovered through AA now 7 years. Seven years ago he called my house at 6:00 in the morning, crying, wasted, at the end of his rope. He asked me, "B, how do you know when you're an alcoholic?" I said, "When you wake up your friend at 6 in the morning to ask them."
Denial is such an amazingly strong defense mehcanism that we as friends/family of alcoholics use to pretend it isn't happening and alcoholics use to allow themslves to keep drinking. Nothing gets in the way of their drinking. So if your W has to have some sober time to keep her job, and to keep people around her thinking she is NOT an alcoholic, so that she can just keep drinking, then she will manage her drinking/sober time so she can keep her job.
One of my A brothers has managed to always keep high paying respectable jobs - he's the first in the family to volunteer to help, etc. But he is a raging alcoholic, drinks every day, has had 2 DUI's, has destroyed every relationship he's been in. But I know he clings to his work so he can afford the booze, and his "johnny-on-the-spot" nature to prove to himself he's not "that bad." See, nothing can get in the way of his drinking. So it's like respektingme said, if you can't take it or leave it then it's probably an addiction.
Have you ever read "Under the Influence?" It's a great book, explains what alcohol does to a person, and to the alcoholic. It's a progressive disease, and many can hold it together for a long time, but eventually even the most high-functioning alcoholic will start to unravel. "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie is so very helpful as well. This forum and the "stickies" at the top of the first page are very helpful too!
Good luck- glad you are here!
Peace,
B.