Many people have misconceptions about alcoholism. The picture in our minds of an alcoholic is of the guy/gal who lives on the street, begging for change, and drinking out of a bottle in a paper bag.
Unfortunately, alcoholics are doctors, carpenters, lawyers, teachers, stockbrokers, electricians, etc. and often perform their daily jobs quite well. But alcoholism is a progressive disease. It is a very incidious, nasty, sneaky disease. It can affect anyone. No one knows who will or will not be stricken with this disease......until it happens. It gets worse and eventually.......they can't perform normally....the disease takes over them.
There is a great book by James Milam (and a co-author I can't recall right now) called "Under the Influence". It lays out "what is alcoholism" pretty well.
If you change the 4 - 5 (9 oz) glasses of wine to 4 - 5 (1/2 lb) pieces of cake, would you question whether that was a a problem? I still have to stop myself from thinking "is my son REALLY an alcoholic?" even though he's had a dui, sat in jail, been thru inpatient treatment, been thru outpatient treatment, had his driver's license taken away, etc. When I begin to think like that, I know that I'm getting off center (again) and I need to get back to working on me.
You are asking great questions, Reddmax. You are on a new path. That's a good thing.
gentle hugs