Hi and welcome from another mother who comes to this forum for support. It's a great place with wonderful people. Some of what you read here will seem counter intuitive (particularly for a mother) but it works.
I was a bit of a rebel child myself. When I turned 18, I'll never forget the talk I had with my Dad. He said "You're 18 now. You're an adult. You may decide what is best for you. It's YOUR life." It freaked me out. He simply let go of the reins and handed them over to me. I became much more responsible.....almost over night. I still did some stupid stuff but I had to take accountability.
My son is an alcoholic. He has rebelled and manipulated since he was 14 years old. He drove me crazy. I wish I understood then what I understand now. I use to think that one of the worst things that could happen would be that he'd wind up in jail. Well, guess what. He did. And the earth didn't stop spinning. I kept breathing. And he had to deal with the legal issues that followed. And I finally realized that I needed to back off and let him deal with it.
By letting them make their own mistakes and enjoy their own successes, without our interference, we allow them to grow and gain confidence.
I was very different from you. I was the one that gave in to my son's behavior. I was the one who tried to protect him from himself. My family kept telling me I was doing the wrong thing (in my case though.....I was).
Keep coming here for support (to give it and get it). Read all you can. It's amazing how important it is for us to know that other mothers have struggled or are struggling...even when the struggles are a little different. We can all learn from one another.
gentle hugs